I look beautiful today. It’s a special occasion I hear. All my friends and family come to celebrate this transition with me. The big change. The final crossover. This is the happy day on which everyone cries as I am expected to enter into my time of glory.
My hair flows out over the silken pillow. My hands are folded, my eyes closed. I am in my best dress, the lovely cranberry A-line with the silky sheen. I look beautiful today, but the person prepping me didn’t do my makeup right. The eye shadow is too dark and the blush is pink instead of the nice bronze that always complimented the vibrance of my skin. I guess it doesn’t matter much since I’m not vibrant anymore. What was she trying to prove anyway? Why be made to look attractive on this day? Can anyone truly be attracted to a person who is dead?
Didn’t you want to leave me whenever I was like that? You and you, all of you. You saw me with my spirit dimmed and you felt sorry for me, but did not know how to turn up the light. Consoling words and half hearted questions. I’ll pray for you, you mentioned as you walked away. I stared out the window and wondered if those prayers would matter this time around. I stepped back into the shadows after waving thanks, love you too, goodbye.
At every occasion I’ll be ready for the funeral. They say you should live each day as if it were your last. Have I lived well enough? Will I reach the finish line and hear well done, good and faithful servant? Have I been good? Faithful? Did I have enough faith to believe that I too was mortal and would eventually make it to this very day? Did I genuinely trust that I would move beyond?
Have I served anyone in the way that I was supposed to? Did I ever fully understand what all those expectations entailed? Or did I observe too long all my early-on wounds and fail to notice a world of joy around me?
Every occasion wants more. I’ve been wanting all my life. Was I ever satisfied? Will I find satisfaction now in this last move to my final resting place, the home of my soul? Will I make it there at last? Be escorted by angels and greeted by saints who’ve been steeped in love and light and lack-of-suffering for millennia? Or will I be stuck, trapped in this holding place? Locked in a box, housed within the earth, looking lovely as I decompose beneath the flowers.
Hear “The Funeral” on Band of Horses’ 2006 album, ‘Everything All of the Time.’ Their latest release, ‘Infinite Arms’ is available everywhere now! Download the new album on Amazon MP3 for only $5 (offer valid for a limited time).
Who will be at your funeral?