Wandering heart. I Belong to you, Oh so strong!
Discovering home. I Belong to you, within. My center, peace. Because… you’re real, to touch and feel. My fantasy, reality. But now… you’re gone, and I Belong…Where?
“I Belong” is Dead Leaf Echo’s B-Side to the single “Kingmaker,” to be released on 09.11.12 through Custom Made Music Format: 7″ vinyl/digital. Pre-order your copy here.
Tour Dates:
September 8th Brooklyn, NY – Cameo Gallery (7″ Release Party)
September 13th San Francisco, CA – 367 Debvoise
September 14th San Francisco, CA – Hotel Utah
October 11th Chicago, IL – Late Bar
October 12th Pittsburgh, PA – TBD
October 18th Brooklyn, NY – Vaudeville Park (CMJ)
October 19th Boston, MA -PA’s Lounge-Deep Heaven Now Festival*
October 20th NYC TBD*
October 24th Philadelphia, PA – Pi Lam House*
October 25th Washington, DC – Red Palace*
October 26th Baltimore, MD – Golden West Cafe*
*w/ Ringo Deathstarr
Waves of pressure, bearing cries
Forgotten amidst the utter joy
As now I am finally holding you Pools of sorrow waves of joy Are drifting through my opened mind Possessing and caressing me
Jai Guru Deva. Om Nothing’s gonna change my world Nothing’s gonna change my world
Images of broken light, which Dance before me like a million eyes, They call me on and on across the universe.
Connected now to humankind
My mark is made in history
Touching life’s sacred mystery across the universe.
Jai Guru Deva. Om Nothing’s gonna change my world Nothing’s gonna change my world
Sounds of laughter, shades of life Are ringing through my opened ears Inciting and inviting me. Limitless undying love, which Shines around me like a million suns, It calls me on and on across the universe
But you and your face of light. It’s a brilliant roman candle that separates the day from the night. It’s that clean, clear truth that sorts out the wrong from the right. You and your face of light.
When all is grey
I want to run away
I see your smile
And stay another day
When I’m crumbling inside
Just want to hide
You come find me
Arms open wide
When I’ve messed up again
Failed to count to ten
Your forgiving eyes
Humble me then
Your angelic face
Will ever have a place
In my expanding heart
Growing in grace
Black Butterfly
Always so high
Glad heart, bright mind
I walked down the hallway toward AP English class. One more hour to go before lunch, then Spanish and track practice and the academic day would be done. This hinge point to my schedule was somewhat hard to bear. I had already thought too hard through three classes after getting up too early and having way too little nourishment for breakfast. Now I got to look forward to pondering Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness while ignoring the many similarities it bore to my own disillusionment with the world and “the horror, the horror” of becoming a jaded young adult.
Before I entered into the discussion of the darkness however, I noticed a light awaiting me. His name was Ken T—. We met through a friend of a friend and honestly I can’t say I ever really knew him. We had no class together. We didn’t sit share the same lunch table. I doubt he ever asked me anything beyond, “How are you today?” But he was what I looked forward to each day before noon. The way his face would light up in the hallway when he’d see me, as he was exiting class and I was entering. He was everything I needed in that moment.
Ken would wrap his arms around me and hold me there in the hallway, as if we weren’t surrounded by students shuffling off to class. I’d giggle at his thrilled response to my presence, and then I’d press his thin fit adolescent body against mine. I felt so special and content in that moment. It didn’t matter all the things I didn’t know about him or all the things he didn’t ask about me. He liked art and he played water polo and he delighted in me. I was pretty, I accepted what he gave me, and I delighted in him. Everything else was trivial.
That was the satisfaction of my 16 year old self. To be the person that lit up someone’s face, to be held for a brief and meaningful moment, to be treated as the most significant person in the crowded high school hallway…those were the things that spun my world back then. As void of commitment as the relationship between me and Ken was, it was incredibly meaningful at the time.
Hey Jen, remember the games we used to play? What ever happened to those days? *** If we can stay here long enough We can play with Bloody Mary She can chase us through the dark Activate our nerve endings We’ll stay…
***
She said she would kill herself if she had to put up with her parents one more night. Though I had thought her a dork for most of the past three years I’d known her, I couldn’t deny she was my best friend. If it was a matter of life and death, then we should bail. Just walk right past her parents and out the door. So that’s what we did.
Once we crossed into the darkness we knew we were outside our limits so we ran. We ran, alive with boldness and uncertainty. We ran not knowing where to go but knowing we were together. Who needs them? They don’t understand us anyway Who needs anybody? We need only each other. Best friends. That’s enough.
But then we got to the highway. Which way to go? We couldn’t go anymore ahead and there was no going back. No admitting our guilt and asking forgiveness. Not yet. We went to Sergeant Pepperoni’s Pizza, a good place to catch our breath, be still awhile. Stifle the tears and frustration.
She finally called a friend’s mom. An adult she could trust. Someone who’d listen to her complaints and tell her mom she was alright. A person who would take her home safe and sound and drive me back home as well.
I didn’t suspect that would be my last time seeing my best friend, my last time being welcome in her house. I was ever after the instigator, the troublemaker, the girl who led a daughter to run away from home. A bad influence.
I made a poor decision based on a friend’s frustration. I cared too much to leave her alone. But my tight grip snapped the bond between us. Split. Just like that. Best friends since seventh grade, then gone. Over and done with.
No more afternoon visits. No more nightly sleepovers. No more Friday nights at the movies. Find another friend, my mom says I can’t talk to you anymore. It didn’t really matter. Her parents divorced shortly after and she moved to Arizona, so, whatever.
Everyone in California had either just arrived or was just about to leave. That’s just the way it is in a place like that. You gotta adjust. Don’t take it personal. Just move on. You’ll find someone new. Move on.
Down in the waves, she screams again. Roar at the door. My mind can’t take much more. I could never drown. I am invincible. Destined for greatness. God on my side. They wanna get my…everything. They wanna get my gold on the ceiling. I ain’t blind. Oro en el cielo. Just a matter of time before I let go. ‘Cause I’m aware, there ain’t no guard in my house. They wanna get my…very soul. They wanna get my oro en el cielo. Treasure I’ve stored in Heaven. Just a matter of time before I lose it all to thieves. Ain’t no guard in my house.
Well they tell me there’s a hundred ways to fight.
You and me, right now, come on.
But I only need a few of them tonight
‘cause there’s no way to prove
if what’s killing me’s got the best of you.
“The killer in me is the killer in you, my love.” And my speculation’s sputtering again.
Plenty reason I should turn the other way.
Look. Don’t look. Leave! No, stay.
But the reasoning is wearing thin today.
I confess that I hate
nothing quite so much as an empty slate.
And I‘m running out of time to run along.
Aw, here we go again.
I’m not coming home tonight. I’m not coming home tonight til I can’t remember what was wrong with me.
Why the hell was I so frickin upset?
Don’t you dare answer that, you fiend.